I should have let my colleague Tom Chiarella write it. Because I knew the article would be a pain in the ass to pull off. To be totally honest, I was sorry I mentioned this idea to my boss about three seconds after I opened my mouth. Then get a generous counteroffer from my boss. I want to get congratulatory e-mails and job offers that I can politely decline. I want Hollywood to buy my article and turn it into a movie, even though they kind of already made the movie ten years ago with Jim Carrey. I want them to be amazed and impressed and feel a vague regret over their decision not to have sex with me, and maybe if I get divorced or become a widower, at a reunion.
I want all the attractive women I knew in high school and college to read it. Here's the truth about why I'm writing this article: I want to fulfill my contract with my boss.
